Where do I begin? Do I say I’m exhausted? Physically, mentally, spiritually? Who am I going to tell that to? My children…..of course not. Why? Because they are just that, my children. My children that did not ask or have a say so of coming into this world. My children, MY children, the humans I would die for without a second thought. The humans I have sacrificed for, would go through hell and back for. The humans my heart beat for. So no there is no one to tell “hey I’m exhausted. Think you could cook tonight, look over homework, support them at their games tonight? ” There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT!
Everyone tells you that when you become a mother you become a warrior, you learn how to love without condition. When you become a mother you turn into the most selfless human that has ever graced the earth. Your children are your strength. These miraculous miracles you were blessed to carry and birth into the world and raise. You children are your strength. You children give you courage to face the impossible and make it possible. Your children inspire you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. And are you perfect? Of course not. But for your children you are a chameleon, you will be anything and everything they need you to be.
But did they tell you that your children at times are your greatest weakness? Did they tell you that you can’t keep them in a bubble and keep them safe forever no matter what you do. Did they tell you that eventually they grow up and make their own decisions, good, bad or indifferent? Did they tell you at times some of their decision making skills will cause you to fall on your knees and give it all to God because you will be helpless to do any thing else?
And there it is….the elephant in the room HELPLESS. Yes I began this whole entire paragraph with the word AND. You did happen to read my website is titled Imperfect-me?? Oh ok. Just checking. Back to that word helpless. Even writing it makes my skin crawl. I was told I was a warrior how on earth could my child make a decision that could leave me helpless? How on earth could one ever put me in a position to feel helpless? How do I deal with this. It’s me? The single mom of 5 that worked her way up the corporate ladder, that juggles more things efficiently than a ring master at Barnum Bailey Circus. My child leave me helpless????? I asked that more to myself than she, yes she, the one who constantly butts her nose in my business and shows up when I need her the least……anxiety. She keeps me up til the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out at what point I did something wrong for my offspring to put their self in this position. She anxiety has a way of making me reminisce about all my mistakes as a mother, what I could have done, what I should have done, what I didn’t do good enough. And now here I am. Running days at a time with only 2 to 3 hours of sleep. Trying to function on Star bucks, positivity , and any small win I can pick up rather it be in my personal life or my career life. There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT!
So how do I deal? Honestly…..I don’t know. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. Helpless doesn’t equate to defeat. And just because I’m strong doesn’t mean I don’t get to have moments of failures. And just because I’m not extremely emotional doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to cry. Oh wait there SHE is. The rose that grew from the concrete, the warrior came up from the ashes. Finally she’s here! She’s the one who day after day night after night will eventually show up and put anxiety in her place(although this time it took her a bit longer than usual. But it’s ok because she’s here now) She fuels me with the fire I need to push on she reminds me that I’m a Got Damn warrior and my children are the greatest blessing ever bestowed to me. She is me! So what’s being a single mom? Even when we feel helpless, even when we fall, even when it seems impossible, we get back up. Even if standing in our children’s corner is all we can do we do it. Yes at times we may be helpless but we are never defeated. So There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT! We always figure it out. Even if it takes us a million different paths to get to the destination we always get there.