The Village

I know I’ve thanked individuals in the Village. However I’m not quite sure if the Village quite understands how important they are to me and how much I truly love them. When they say it takes a village to raise our children, there isn’t a truer statement out there. Lets talk about the Village. The members of the Village are for life. Though some have a longer tenure than other in my children’s life. All of them are valuable and irreplaceable. Being a single mother of 5 children without the village my accomplishments would have been unachievable.

I have been blessed with an amazing family, both on my side and my children sides. From grandparents, to aunts and uncles, to cousins that have always played an important role in my children lives. I have also been blessed with amazing neighbors that turned into friends, coaches, my childrens friends parents, etc that also a huge part of the Village. I can remember my neighbor across the street named Dickey that soon became one of my greatest friends. She kept me encouraged as I was working my way up the corporate ladder. Her youngest daughter and my two youngest children were best friends. More importantly we became a family . She looked out for my children and I looked out for hers. When my oldest daughter graduated high school, I had been blessed with a promotion and we had moved to another city. Guess who drove 2 hours to come to her graduation after not seeing her for 2 years….Dickey. The meaning of the Village.

I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times parents have ensured my children have made it to sporting events or camps because I was working. Never asking for anything in return. They were satisfied with being bonus parents to my children. The meaning of the Village.

There was time I could”t afford Christmas for my children. 10 years ago I was working hard, but had yet to make it as far as I am now in my career. With 5 children I was working as an ASM making $38,500 dollars a year. No child support, that was my sole income. I remember going to the support office and applying for food stamps and they told me I made $70 too much. $70!!!!! I could have cried! I was working every day just to pay bills, and put food on the table (which would consist of chicken at night and ramen noodles for lunch.) I still remember that Christmas 10 years ago. I literally had about $150 to try to spread between 5 five children. I was sad, but I knew my children would understand. It didn’t matter rather you gave them a $1,000 or a pack of gum they would have thanked you and been just as elated for either. Christmas Eve I had gotten off work and was cooking dinner for my children when they said there was a truck in the driveway. I looked out my window and there was my store manager and his wife. Carrying to my door bags of presents and bags of grocery. I remember he told “Q you are the hardest working individual I know, don’t give up. All this hard work will pay off.” I was left beyond thankful and speechless. The meaning of the Village.

The Village. The Village is virtually important and at times goes unseen and not talked about, but the Village is vitally important. The Village is priceless. The Village is the meaning of love and loyalty. I type this blog as a huge thank you to our Village. If you have ever played a role in my children lives….You are apart of our Village and I want you to know. This parenting gig would have been impossible without you!

Is there a limit?

We are taught to sacrifice. There isn’t a limit. As a mom you should. As a wife you should. As a significant other you should. Because you’re in a certain tax bracket you should. Extend yourself you can. No that’s not enough keep stretching.

As a mom, wife, or significant other you have to learn to say no. You have to learn to make decisions that everyone may not understand but you understand. You have to pour back into yourself. There is nothing commendable about sacrificing your entire being and losing yourself.

Who were you before the world told you who you had to be? What did you like before reality slowing came in and stole your dreams? What did you envision your grown up life to be like…..before you actually became a grown up? Take a minute. I’m not in a rush. I want your raw, untarnished answer.

Then there’s that word sacrifice. Women seem to hear this word far more often than men. Sacrfice for your marriage. Sacrifice for your children. Sacrifice for your career. Or better yet…..you are sacrificing too much for your career and not enough for your family. You can not do that, ladies don’t do that. A woman shouldn’t speak like that. You’re too self sufficient you’re going to scare a man off . You’re too feminist women can’t do that. You are suppose to cater that is a woman’s genetic makeup. We are caretakers.

STOP 🛑 IT….PLEASE!!! I’m not too self sufficient that I do not desire a solid, loyal, partnership. I shouldn’t have to dim my light 💡 for anyone else to shine. Together we should shine because the sun never apologizes for blinding people. Yes being a mother, a wife, a significant other is important but, it doesn’t come at the price of sacrificing your very soul. Being a caretaker and sacrificing your entire being are two completely different things. Stop acting as if they are one in the same.

Learn to say NO. Learn to make decisions that everyone may not understand. It’s ok. You aren’t here to please the world. Help people when you can, but you don’t have to cater to people. The truth is people at times can make you feel guilty for your success. Those same people wouldn’t even help you at your lowest point in life, now all of a sudden they are subject matter experts on your finances. It is easy to feed a 1,000 but how much more rewarding is it to teach a 1,000 to feed themselves.

Mediate. Shut out the outside noise and learn to reinvest in yourself. Look in the mirror who do you see? That’s the only person you can control. Go on that trip. Go back to school. Take that leap. Invest in your dreams. IT IS NOT TO LATE! No one wins if you deplete every ounce of your being for everyone else. You can’t give water if your well has ran dry. Learn to replenish yourself without feeling guilty. You will thank yourself. Those you love will get the best version of you. And honestly (yep I started a sentence with and 🤪 I’ve come to the conclusion that’s my signature move) the world will thank you, because believe it or not darling. Once you begin to invest in yourself. This universe will force reality to give you back your stolen dreams. This universe needs your gifts…..we all do.

So yes. There is a limit. It’s ok to say no. Even elastic breaks when stretched to far for too long. Take a break darling…..it’s time to dream again. You deserve it:

Dating in my late 30s

Did you read the title? O.M.Fing.G!!! I probably should of titled it dating in my 40s seeing as the last chapter of my 30s ends in roughly 6 months. This has to be some of the roughest waters to navigate through . Then to add on top of it being a successful black female although you think that would be a plus…at times it can be a negative. I never knew success could be so intimating.

So here I am 39 and dating. You’d think dating men in my age pool that things would be simple. Holy hell they ARE NOT. What to wear on a first date, is there even a need to call it a first date???? You know what…. the hell with first dates. Let’s meet on a dating app and chat back and forth multiple times. It least that way we have the chance to even see if we are mildly compatible. I don’t want to do the awkward first date thing. Or maybe that’s the problem. Maybe awkward first dates are where it’s at……or not. I need a glass of wine 🍷 just writing this.

Then there’s the navigating through the land of broken hearts. See when you’re in your 30s the odds of you not having your heart broken a time or two, or three or twenty….well its slim to none. When you’re dating in your 30s the odds of meeting someone who hasn’t had their trust abused is slim to none. Those waters can be rough for both parties. Welcome to the dinner table of trying to read in between the lines. Welcome to the dinner table of indecisiveness. Welcome to the dinner table of trust has to be earned because it damn sure isn’t given. Welcome to the dinner table of “I never want to marry again.” Welcome to the dinner table of you remind me of my ex. Welcome the dinner table where bullshit is normal and honesty is rare. I don’t want to sit at this table……I hate it here 😂

Then there’s this age. I’m 39 I’m not old….but I’m also not in my naive 20s either. But uh yeah I could date your son or your daddy….it’s just a joke but I could. Now smile for goodness sakes. So there’s this age pool right, one where you would think men would know who they are and what they want. But I’m learning age doesn’t guarantee that. Humans have the right to find themselves at any age…..I just don’t want to go on every journey with them. I know women my age who are just as lost so don’t think for one second this is a blog bashing men because it very well so is NOT. But Geeze I have met more men in their 30s and 40s still trying to figure it out. So I’m quickly learning it’s not so much about dating in my same age pool in my 30s soon to be 40s as much as it is dating with men compatible with where I am in life. I’m not willing to have anymore children, I don’t club like I’m in my 20s, I’m not in a place where I want to navigate through grey areas. I like simple. Things are or they’re not…. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong! Dating in my 30s seem to lack simplicity. Maybe I’m dating the wrong people? Maybe or maybe I’m not dating at all….or maybe I’m dating too much, or maybe I’m about to start dating or maybe I’m done dating…..Confusing…. right. Welcome to dating in my late 30s

Beautiful utter complete chaos

That title. That is the realm of parenting I have entered. It’s such a fine line in loving your children, but not spoiling them so much that they never develop tough skin. Such a fine line in giving constructive criticism, yet not ruining their self confidence. A fine line in being their parent and their friend. Oh shit did I just say friend? I did. I remember my parents telling me as I was growing up that they are my parent and not my friend. I try to tell my children I’m their parent 1st and their friend 2nd. Seeing as all my kids are now all adults or teenagers I’ve learned in this realm of parenting you do have to be their friend also.

But this realm of parenting is hard as hell. I remember when the five of them were little and their dad and I separated I would think to myself “I can’t wait for them to grow up.” Now I wish I could rewind time and know what I know now. How many things I’d do differently. How many moments I would cherish. Father Time however doesn’t have a rewind button just a play button. So here we are on this episode of me trying to split myself in a million directions that I didn’t know I needed to be in. Todays episode of “oh shit that was today?” Today’s episode of “Why did you wait til the last minute to tell me.” Today’s episode of “it’ll have to be take out tonight.” Today’s episode of “here’s money for that.” Today’s episode of “why do I have to ask you to do your chores?” Today’s episode of “let me go back to the store.”

This realm is beautiful. Watching them grow up, and become who they are meant to be. This realm is saddening watching them make mistakes that could change the course of their life. This realm is chaotic trying to help them make their dreams a reality. This realm is heartbreaking, going through hell with one child, while trying to help another attain their dream, while helping another child find them self, while celebrating the success of another. This realm is rewarding watching one child find their way and start making their own path. This realm requires me to be someone different for all of them, because they all are in different stages of their life. The realm is Beautiful Utter Complete Chaos.

This is the realm no one speaks about. This is the realm they forget to tell you about when you have more than one child. Who knew you could morph into so many different personalities depending on what child you are dealing with. Who knew you could cry tears of sadness for one child, while crying tears of joy for the next. Who knew you could be a therapist, a coach, a doctor, a chef all in one damn day. This realm is rewarding, this realm is hard, this realm is teaching me more lessons than I ever thought I could learn and this realm has proven to me that no matter what, I am have been and will always be their mother. This realm proves that love truly conquers all.

Elastic

Dear Brown skin girl. This world is going to teach you to be elastic. The demands of this life are gong to stretch you longer, further than you could ever imagine.

Congratulations you’re a mother. Welcome to the moment you will learn to become elastic.

12 years ago. Year 2008

“How can I make this $40 dollars stretch into 5 days worth of food? I’m working non stop, I’m trying not give up, it seems at times as though I’m fighting a losing battle.” Be elastic.

“Why is she working this hard and she’s still struggling? She just needs to move back to Kansas. Did you hear she’s barely making it? I heard that she’s paying such and such for rent trying to keep her kids in a good school district….I know there are cheaper houses somewhere else. I don’t even think she’s ever taken her kids or herself on a real vacation. She’s just always writing about things, living in a fantasy world.” Be elastic.

“I wonder if they know I have goals. I wonder if they realize that for fun I drive around amazing neighborhoods with my kids and we look at houses with the hopes of living in something that nice one day. One day I’m going to be able to travel and show my kids the world. I know I will. In the mean time I’m going to continue to write about things as though I’ve experienced them. Putting my dreams on paper will one day become a reality.” Be elastic

“So yeah, I know that I’m living in a home in a neighborhood that I can barely afford, but my kids schooling means the world to me. I have to put them in a position to succeed. Even if it means ramen, bologna, and chicken. Having a good education is priceless. One day though one day I know all this hard work will pay off. So they can talk about me now, it’s ok.” Be elastic

2016-2020 present.

Wow you’ve had how many promotions the last 8 years? Pretty outstanding.

“Thank you God, it’s 2016 and I’m starting to see the fruits of my labor. It’s been a long journey, but professionally I’m starting to arrive. I’m still working hard but I’m making more money than I ever have. I’m able to do the things on my bucket list with my children. Those neighborhoods I use to drive through with my children looking at all the beautiful homes…we live in them now. The vacations I use to write about but never experienced we are able to experience them now.” Be elastic

“Hey self it’s me again.” “How are you holding up?” “Not very well.” “Yeah I figured weren’t but you can’t let the world know. You have a lot of people depending on you, and some that would love to see you fail. You’ve come to far to give up now.” Be elastic

“Did you hear about her son? I heard this on the news, I read this on Facebook. I wonder what she has to say about it? I know she has to be going crazy, I would be. She hasn’t said much about it on social media. Did you see she’s on yet another vacation? Oh I think she just brought a new car? She got another promotion and she’s moving her kids yet again. Wow you’ve got to be kidding me.” “Still he ant seen her post much on social media about her son. How can she be so positive? It has to be a front. I mean come on I know she’s going through hell. Why hasn’t she posted about it on social media?” Be elastic

“Mom I have private training. Mom I have a game. Mom you haven’t spent much time with your granddaughter. Mom you haven’t spent much time with me. Mom don’t forget this time. Mom did you forget? I told you a week ago. To retain me we are going to need xxxxxx money down to take this case. You have it right? Of course you do. Mom I thought you were off? You are working on your off days again? Hey mom I need to go such and such. ” BE ELASTIC

“Hey self it’s me again.” “Yeah I know I’ve been waiting on you.” “Self, I’m so humble for my life. I’m so thankful for the opportunities I have and the opportunities I’m able to extend to others. But self I’m still only one person.” “Dear Brown skin girl I knew this day would come and I would have to remind you to BE ELASTIC. I would have to remind you to bend and not break. To stretch and not break. To form, reform and form again because in this world, in this life you will have to reshape a 1,000 times and a 1,000 times again. You are going to evolve over and over and over again. Every realm of this life will require a new you. But one thing I forgot to tell you. Elasticity also needs a break. Don’t forget to recharge. Take a moment out for yourself. It’s not being selfish it’s being human. Also cancel out the noise. They talked about you 12 years ago, and they’ll talk about you now. I’ve never seen opinions pay one of your bills. So let em talk. You are greater than anything designed to defeat you. Remember that when the nights are long and the days are short.” This is your love letter.

To be continued.

I fell off…..no truth is I leaped off! Story of fitness gone wrong!

Well shit! Here I am!! The girl 3 years ago that had lost a ton of weight, was succeeding in her career, killing it in the gym and winning! My body was LEGIT!!! I was taking so many selfies #fitmom LOOK OUT WORLD HERE I AM!!!! No smoothies, no lose weight quick schemes, just pure hard work and a unquenchable grind.

Then things started to happen. Things that I never thought I’d have to experience. I’ve forever worn many hats but my first priority the reason for everything was and will always be my children. So when something happen and my son was put in a situation that I couldn’t just “get him out of” I started to unravel. On the outside it looked like I was handling things like a champ. But (yep I’m becoming a pro at starting sentences off with the word but 😊) I wasn’t handling things like a champ at times I’m still not. My world was rocked 2 years ago and I’m still trying to find my way through the smoke and be the rock I know my child needs. 2 years ago I begin to let a lot of stuff go. Somethings intentionally, some unintentional. Hell to be honest I barely realized that some things were slipping through the cracks until they were gone.

Working out was one of them. It started with missing a few days a week, to missing weeks, to missing months, that turned into just not going at all. Out of the 80 pounds I lost I’ve put 75 of them back on. Talk about feeling like a failure! How is it even possible to gain back damn near every pound you fought to lose….simple. Eating my feelings, working a ton, going from cooking regularly to cooking only on Sundays. Take out became my new norm. I put all my energy into my children, and my career. I left out my health. Did I mention I gained back 75 of the 80 pounds I lost? Oh I did. I can’t believe I even put that in words. Damn Q! It feels even more real now typing it than it had thinking it.

Shit happens. Life happens. Some curve balls cause us to strike out. But here’s the secret if you get the chance to bat again….knock that shit out of the park. So here I am, back up to the plate. I’ve been in the gym for a week now. I wasn’t going to write anything or post anything. I was going to start dropping weight and then pop up on the scene all fine and ish…..but where is the honesty in that? I don’t want to follow the masses. I want to be the reality. The person that says hey I was doing great and then guess what??? I wasn’t anymore. But I’m back again because I refuse to give up. I started Dec. 28th 2019 and I have one goal to become healthy again. It’s not about the weight, it never has been. I rarely weighed myself back then, and I will rarely weigh myself now. It’s about the feeling, the energy. It’s about sweating out the endorphins and sleeping again at night. It’s about ridding myself of the anexity that has found a way to creep back into my life and keep me up most nights causing my body to run off fumes. So here I am…what does it look like to start working out again? Well it’s not pretty (my selfie taking skills definitely don’t help with this pic) but it does feel pretty fucking awesome!

How are you surviving?

My dear friend of so many years one of the few people that know me inside and out. One of the few that know the storm I’ve been fighting for the past few years asked me a question that floored me. Left me speechless caused me to think.

I usually get asked “how do you do it?” That five word question I’m use to and I can answer without thinking. I’ve rehearsed and acted out that answer so many times I can do it in one breath. “How do I do it?” It’s simple “I just do. For me there is no other choice. And failing is not an option.” “How do I do it?” That five word question almost 99.9 percent of the time is asking, how do I make it as a single mom with a full time career and still have hair on my head.

But “how are you surviving?” Completely different question and seeing as she knows me….my typical answer I knew wouldn’t suffice. How am I surviving? When one of my off springs are fighting the biggest battle to date in their life. Which consequently means I’m fighting the biggest battle to date in my life. It doesn’t matter how old our children get they are forever our children and we are forever their parents. But…..back to the question. A question I have NEVER been asked and one I never knew I’d dread being asked until she asked it.

So…..how am I surviving? Some days I’m just numb I feel nothing. Other days I’m so alive, full of vigor, humbleness, energy. Sometimes I’m angry, no not angry pissed! How could my child be going through this? I’ve worked hard, provided for them and still do, sacrificed for them, kept them in the best school districts even though years ago ensuring they lived in a good school district and went to the best schools had me living pay check to pay check. Back then I was barely able to put on the table, but I never gave up. I knew my hard work would pay off one day. I sacrificed so that hopefully they wouldn’t have to. I sacrificed because I wanted and want to always give them the best opportunity possible. I’ve never done drugs, I’ve never spent necessity money on partying, everything in my life from the second I became a mother became about my children. When you do this as a parent your children are suppose to grow up and make great decisions, and live a life far more grand than you ever have. It least that’s what I was told….So yes knowing my child is fighting a battle that I can’t bail him out of makes me angry at times. Knowing that my child is fighting for his life over something he did not do pisses me off. Other times. Other times I’m just sad. Sometimes I just sit in my bedroom and cry, and pray and cry some more. This child of mine has went through all the hard times. He has went through the ramen noodles for lunch and chicken every night for dinner because it’s all I could afford back then. And he, he never complained. I remember he told me one day “mama you work hard and things are going to get better for us. I know they are you just have to believe it.” He is that child to me. My other children may miss it but not him, he has always been intuitive to my emotions. Doesn’t matter how hard I would try to put on a brave face he could see through it, if I was having a bad day and he would do everything in his power to console me. You were right son. The hard work payed off in such a great way! The financial struggles have disappeared but not having you here is taking us all through an emotional war I know we weren’t prepared to fight, but we are fighting it and we are all going to get through with the victory. You will make it through this with the victory.

How am I surviving? Some days I don’t know. Some days are harder than others. As I write this on my back patio drinking a cup of coffee, I look at the flowers falling off my tree in my yard. I wonder if the tree is in pain, but I’d have to guess not. The tree I’m certain knows it’s fall and it has to shed so that it may grow new flowers in the spring. How fitting is that for life, sometimes it’s our season to shed. Sometimes it’s our season to walk through a storm and blessings all at the same time. But just like the tree survives and produces new fruit when it’s it’s time….so shall we. I survive because I know storms don’t last always. There is always a sliver lining in every situation if you look hard enough, your faith is stronger than any battle and is the strongest armor of weaponry you have. Use it it will never fail you. How do I survive? I try to feel every emotion, but at the same time not let every emotion consume me. I come to terms with things and then do everything in power to make the outcome favorable. How am I surviving? I know I’m blessed beyond measure, I was built to bend and not break, and honestly I survive because I have family and friends that love me and my children immensely and that is priceless.

So How am I surviving? Just like the tree there is a season for everything. My mind is conditioned to go through the storms because the root of my heart and soul are endless.

There is no SOS for the single mom.

Where do I begin? Do I say I’m exhausted? Physically, mentally, spiritually? Who am I going to tell that to? My children…..of course not. Why? Because they are just that, my children. My children that did not ask or have a say so of coming into this world. My children, MY children, the humans I would die for without a second thought. The humans I have sacrificed for, would go through hell and back for. The humans my heart beat for. So no there is no one to tell “hey I’m exhausted. Think you could cook tonight, look over homework, support them at their games tonight? ” There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT!

Everyone tells you that when you become a mother you become a warrior, you learn how to love without condition. When you become a mother you turn into the most selfless human that has ever graced the earth. Your children are your strength. These miraculous miracles you were blessed to carry and birth into the world and raise. You children are your strength. You children give you courage to face the impossible and make it possible. Your children inspire you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. And are you perfect? Of course not. But for your children you are a chameleon, you will be anything and everything they need you to be.

But did they tell you that your children at times are your greatest weakness? Did they tell you that you can’t keep them in a bubble and keep them safe forever no matter what you do. Did they tell you that eventually they grow up and make their own decisions, good, bad or indifferent? Did they tell you at times some of their decision making skills will cause you to fall on your knees and give it all to God because you will be helpless to do any thing else?

And there it is….the elephant in the room HELPLESS. Yes I began this whole entire paragraph with the word AND. You did happen to read my website is titled Imperfect-me?? Oh ok. Just checking. Back to that word helpless. Even writing it makes my skin crawl. I was told I was a warrior how on earth could my child make a decision that could leave me helpless? How on earth could one ever put me in a position to feel helpless? How do I deal with this. It’s me? The single mom of 5 that worked her way up the corporate ladder, that juggles more things efficiently than a ring master at Barnum Bailey Circus. My child leave me helpless????? I asked that more to myself than she, yes she, the one who constantly butts her nose in my business and shows up when I need her the least……anxiety. She keeps me up til the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out at what point I did something wrong for my offspring to put their self in this position. She anxiety has a way of making me reminisce about all my mistakes as a mother, what I could have done, what I should have done, what I didn’t do good enough. And now here I am. Running days at a time with only 2 to 3 hours of sleep. Trying to function on Star bucks, positivity , and any small win I can pick up rather it be in my personal life or my career life. There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT!

So how do I deal? Honestly…..I don’t know. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. Helpless doesn’t equate to defeat. And just because I’m strong doesn’t mean I don’t get to have moments of failures. And just because I’m not extremely emotional doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to cry. Oh wait there SHE is. The rose that grew from the concrete, the warrior came up from the ashes. Finally she’s here! She’s the one who day after day night after night will eventually show up and put anxiety in her place(although this time it took her a bit longer than usual. But it’s ok because she’s here now) She fuels me with the fire I need to push on she reminds me that I’m a Got Damn warrior and my children are the greatest blessing ever bestowed to me. She is me! So what’s being a single mom? Even when we feel helpless, even when we fall, even when it seems impossible, we get back up. Even if standing in our children’s corner is all we can do we do it. Yes at times we may be helpless but we are never defeated. So There is no SOS for the single mom. We are the lifeboat, the motor, the rescue team, the navy seals elite in distress. WE ARE IT! We always figure it out. Even if it takes us a million different paths to get to the destination we always get there.

Life in the single lane.

I promised you all honesty and rawness. Being a single mom with a full time career is rewarding, tiring, humbling, and at times exhausting. We live in a world where people can’t afford to wear their heart on their sleeve. At times being a woman of color and being successful can almost be a double edge sword. Theres the myth that succesful women especially women of color  feel they “don’t need a man” can I please just throw that myth away and light fire to it. I don’t care what color you are, how successful you are, we are humans and we are designed for companionship.

I have a tough exterior. I have to. I’m raising Kings and Queens, but I won’t lie there are some nights I come home and I crave adult conversation. Someone to kiss me when I walk through the door and say “babe how was your day.” Yes sounds so simple and silly but it’s those moments I long for. I probably shouldn’t admit that right…. We live in a world where you aren’t suppose to cry if you get heartbroken, we catch flights not feelings right? You shouldn’t fall in love so quick….I don’t quite remember what amount of time you should wait to love but I know someone, somewhere, in some book, or some social media page gave us the amount of time it should take before we fall in love. For it to be official you two have to be posted up on social media (nothing is wrong with have your relationship on social media. However nothing is wrong if you don’t either) and on and on. CAN WE PLEASE JUST STOP WITH THE FUCKING RULES! I love love, I love to give and recieve love. I love to love with no boundaries, no rules, however I also have the flaw of being able to walk away from love. I’ve been hurt enough that I come to realize every moment isn’t forever and I’m ok with that….which in return means I rarely ever put up a fight to salvage a realtionship.

Then there’s the talk about income. I didn’t realize the amount of intimidation that comes when you are a successful woman. I guess in my head I think it should be a huge plus to be with a woman who can build, that is capable of investing with you, that doesn’t need you financially. In a world full of people who would rather buy luxury cars, the latest sneakers, and diamonds, but have yet to understand the importance of investing, 401k, a great credit score….its easy to get lost in the sauce. Shouldn’t a woman that is succesful and not caught up on materialistic things be a huge bonus???

Or maybe I need to be more approachable. For those that know me, they see a different side of me, however I am at times a serious person. I also guard my energy, so I’m not for everyone. I learned through trial and error to stay exclusive. Everyone doesn’t deserve my energy. Maybe that’s the problem maybe I’m a bit too exlusive…or not.

Someone asked me whats my type and this may sound cliché but I don’t really have a type. I trust the vibe, I trust energy. The man thats quite and isn’t overly friendly will always catch my eye before the loud, flashy, talkative man. Other than that I’m a 38 year old succesful woman who doesn’t have a type….oh shit does that make me extremely awkward? Fuck! probably!

Then there’s the fact that I don’t mind being single. I”m truy an introvert and extrovert it just depends on my mood. I just want to keep it simple. Lets travel, laugh, invest, own, and understand each other. Lets make each other better. Lets have loyalty before we fall in love. Lets not live by any rules, let our spirits guide us. I don’t want a conventional relationship, I want something with someone who doesn’t need a title unless we choose to give it one. Will I ever marry again? I’d like to or maybe not….maybe I’d just like to grow old with someone. I don’t have the answer to that. What I do know is this. companionship is important, and the wiser I get the more I realize success is nothing without someone to share it with.

So at this moment in my life…being single completely and utterly sucks. Yet its freeing, and liberating to get to know and love myself. I’m ok with being single. I’m not ok with wasting my time or jumping into something just to do it….I’m not on a time clock, but shit I need to it least start dating……….

Debarkation Day! Time to go home.

  1. Of all the process this was most defiantly the lengthier of them all. This is where the fast to the fun would have came in handy. Oh I didn’t mention that. If you book early enough an d the fast to the fun is still available its $99 per cabin purchase it. It has a lot of perks but the most important one is you get to debark first!
  2. we had to be out of rooms around 8am I think. I choose to take my luggage with me because once I got off I knew I’d be ready to hit the highway and drive home. We were on deck 6 and had about a 2 hour wait for our deck to be called to debark taking a elevator to deck 10 was a nightmare. The middle elevators only work to get to the lower level to debark so everyone that was waiting had to use the elevator at the front or the back and most people were going to deck 10. The lindo food bar is there for breakfast as is the main pool area. Once we got up there we got up there we ate breakfast and hung out at the pool area for 2 hours. I was thankful it was not hot.
  3. When our deck was finally called to go down we were in lines waiting to get through customs for another hour, with all our luggage in tow.
  4. This is where passports are so much more convenient than birth certificates. All they do is scan the passport and your own your way out. With Birth certificate and Ids they have to key stuff in.
  5. Once we made it through customs and were off the ship this is the moment I wished I would have parked in carnival parking instead of a third-party.
  6. they people that parked in carnival parking walked straight to the carnival garage got in their vehicles and left.
  7. Our third party was right outside with a sign but we had to wait another 20 minutes for our shuttle bus to drop off another party before they could pick us up. Then I literally watched like a hawk them load all our luggage because I didn’t want anything left.
  8. Getting out of the parking lot was miserable. People were coming in for the next cruise shuttles were blocking the way and it was a  complete cluster.
  9. I want to leave you with this. I will now cruise every spring break with my children. This by far exceeds any spring break vaca we have every taken….including disney world. Please tip your cabin steward even if you pay your gratuities up front. They work extremely hard. I hope these blog post help you on your cruise. And if you’re a single mommy…..YOU ROCK!