Well shit! Here I am!! The girl 3 years ago that had lost a ton of weight, was succeeding in her career, killing it in the gym and winning! My body was LEGIT!!! I was taking so many selfies #fitmom LOOK OUT WORLD HERE I AM!!!! No smoothies, no lose weight quick schemes, just pure hard work and a unquenchable grind.
Then things started to happen. Things that I never thought I’d have to experience. I’ve forever worn many hats but my first priority the reason for everything was and will always be my children. So when something happen and my son was put in a situation that I couldn’t just “get him out of” I started to unravel. On the outside it looked like I was handling things like a champ. But (yep I’m becoming a pro at starting sentences off with the word but 😊) I wasn’t handling things like a champ at times I’m still not. My world was rocked 2 years ago and I’m still trying to find my way through the smoke and be the rock I know my child needs. 2 years ago I begin to let a lot of stuff go. Somethings intentionally, some unintentional. Hell to be honest I barely realized that some things were slipping through the cracks until they were gone.
Working out was one of them. It started with missing a few days a week, to missing weeks, to missing months, that turned into just not going at all. Out of the 80 pounds I lost I’ve put 75 of them back on. Talk about feeling like a failure! How is it even possible to gain back damn near every pound you fought to lose….simple. Eating my feelings, working a ton, going from cooking regularly to cooking only on Sundays. Take out became my new norm. I put all my energy into my children, and my career. I left out my health. Did I mention I gained back 75 of the 80 pounds I lost? Oh I did. I can’t believe I even put that in words. Damn Q! It feels even more real now typing it than it had thinking it.
Shit happens. Life happens. Some curve balls cause us to strike out. But here’s the secret if you get the chance to bat again….knock that shit out of the park. So here I am, back up to the plate. I’ve been in the gym for a week now. I wasn’t going to write anything or post anything. I was going to start dropping weight and then pop up on the scene all fine and ish…..but where is the honesty in that? I don’t want to follow the masses. I want to be the reality. The person that says hey I was doing great and then guess what??? I wasn’t anymore. But I’m back again because I refuse to give up. I started Dec. 28th 2019 and I have one goal to become healthy again. It’s not about the weight, it never has been. I rarely weighed myself back then, and I will rarely weigh myself now. It’s about the feeling, the energy. It’s about sweating out the endorphins and sleeping again at night. It’s about ridding myself of the anexity that has found a way to creep back into my life and keep me up most nights causing my body to run off fumes. So here I am…what does it look like to start working out again? Well it’s not pretty (my selfie taking skills definitely don’t help with this pic) but it does feel pretty fucking awesome!