Beautiful utter complete chaos

That title. That is the realm of parenting I have entered. It’s such a fine line in loving your children, but not spoiling them so much that they never develop tough skin. Such a fine line in giving constructive criticism, yet not ruining their self confidence. A fine line in being their parent and their friend. Oh shit did I just say friend? I did. I remember my parents telling me as I was growing up that they are my parent and not my friend. I try to tell my children I’m their parent 1st and their friend 2nd. Seeing as all my kids are now all adults or teenagers I’ve learned in this realm of parenting you do have to be their friend also.

But this realm of parenting is hard as hell. I remember when the five of them were little and their dad and I separated I would think to myself “I can’t wait for them to grow up.” Now I wish I could rewind time and know what I know now. How many things I’d do differently. How many moments I would cherish. Father Time however doesn’t have a rewind button just a play button. So here we are on this episode of me trying to split myself in a million directions that I didn’t know I needed to be in. Todays episode of “oh shit that was today?” Today’s episode of “Why did you wait til the last minute to tell me.” Today’s episode of “it’ll have to be take out tonight.” Today’s episode of “here’s money for that.” Today’s episode of “why do I have to ask you to do your chores?” Today’s episode of “let me go back to the store.”

This realm is beautiful. Watching them grow up, and become who they are meant to be. This realm is saddening watching them make mistakes that could change the course of their life. This realm is chaotic trying to help them make their dreams a reality. This realm is heartbreaking, going through hell with one child, while trying to help another attain their dream, while helping another child find them self, while celebrating the success of another. This realm is rewarding watching one child find their way and start making their own path. This realm requires me to be someone different for all of them, because they all are in different stages of their life. The realm is Beautiful Utter Complete Chaos.

This is the realm no one speaks about. This is the realm they forget to tell you about when you have more than one child. Who knew you could morph into so many different personalities depending on what child you are dealing with. Who knew you could cry tears of sadness for one child, while crying tears of joy for the next. Who knew you could be a therapist, a coach, a doctor, a chef all in one damn day. This realm is rewarding, this realm is hard, this realm is teaching me more lessons than I ever thought I could learn and this realm has proven to me that no matter what, I am have been and will always be their mother. This realm proves that love truly conquers all.

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